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SOLOGAMY A FAD OR AN INSTITUTION

Updated: Jul 16

Author: Maria Tessa Sibin, I year of B.B.A.,LL.B. from Kristu Jayanti College of Law

Co-author: Anagha Joshy, I year of B.B.A.,LL.B. from Kristu Jayanti College of Law

Co-author: Benlin Joseph, I year of B.Com.,LL.B. from Kristu Jayanti College of Law


The world around us is changing in a fast-paced manner. Due to the busy schedules of us people, we tend to focus on these changes around us. But one topic which caught our attention was the news of sologamy which happened in our country. The word Sologamy was not popular in our Indian society until Kshama Bindu from Gujarat decided to marry herself. It arose as a sensational issue as it was the first sologamy in our country. Sologamy or Autogamy or Self marriage refers to marriage by a person to themselves and affirms one’s own value and leads to a happier life. There is Greek mythology about Narcissus a charming young man who won the hearts of all the lovely women. However, Narcissus chose to focus on being attractive himself over their devotion. He stooped to sip from a crystal-clear source of water while strolling through the woodland one day. He immediately fell in love with himself since he was so mesmerized by his own reflection in the pool. He lost his life while swimming for his own reflection in the water. This is believed to be the beginning of the practice of sologamy. According to our culture, marriage is a sacred relationship between two people (a man and a woman) that unites different families, cultures etc.based on mutual understanding. A relationship is united by god. Through sologamy Kshama Bindu has given a different dimension to the concept of marriage. Sologamy may look like a new concept but this was a known practice in Europe and other countries. Linda Baker US resident in the year 1993 married herself which turned out to be the first socialized sologamy marriage. In a country like India where the idea of same-sex marriage is not still accepted by society, the practice of sologamy is drastic. Everyone will have different concepts about their marriage, life partner etc. Through sologamy, Kshama Bindu revealed about her self-love.ie, love towards oneself. She said that she never wanted to get married. However, wanted to become a bride, so she decided to marry herself. Later she understood that she is the first example of self-love in our country. Self-marriage is a commitment to be there for oneself. It is an act of self-acceptance. People marry someone they love, she loved herself, and so she married herself. Through this marriage, she tried to portray that women matters. This was the concept of Kshama Bindu on sologamy. But several people opposed her wedding as it was against the traditions, cultures and religious beliefs of our country and did not allow her to marry inside the temple.


On 6 September 2018, the Supreme Court issued its verdict. The Court unanimously ruled that Section 377 is unconstitutional as it infringed on the fundamental rights of autonomy, intimacy, and identity, thus legalizing homosexuality in India. So one question arises, if homosexuality is legalized, then the concept sologamy or self-love can also be accepted. We should also move according to the changing scenarios of society and concepts. Sologamy is the proclamation of self-acceptance, liberalization and understanding of oneself. It purely means loving oneself from the bottom of the heart. In simple words, we can say that taking vows to oneself. Let’s look at different dimensions of thoughts on why people want to get married to themselves. Sologamy is the proclamation of self-acceptance, liberalization and understanding of oneself. In simple words, we can say that taking vows to oneself. Let’s look at different dimensions of thoughts why people want to get married to themselves. In another point of view, suppose if a person is born physicallyhandicapped or with small disabilities, sometimes the society denies them good marriage proposals. From their point of view, they are also humans, like all others they will also have the desire to dress up like a bride or a groom and perform all rituals of marriage The good part of self-love or sologamy is that if it allows a person to be in contact with oneself, to love oneself, to admire oneself, to love all the inabilities of oneself, etc.


Society thinks that if this practice of sologamy is practiced the family lineage will be concerned. From the point of view of society, it is correct because for a country to grow it needs it citizens and if they practice it might effect the growth of the country. The practice of sologamy is not legalized in the country senior lawyer Chandrakant Gupta said, "The Hindu Marriage Act uses the terminology 'either of the spouse', which simply means that there must be two persons to complete the marriage. Sologamy will never pass the legal scrutiny." Sologamy can be related to Narcissistic personality disorder where a person has an inflated sense of their own importance, excessive admiration, or self-love. It is said that there are three elements involved in giving importance to self, lack of fruitful relationship,and using various strategies to give importance to herself/himself. It is a belief that the person thinks he is smarter or more attractivethan others this makes them fall into egocentric and they think society is against them. Instead, they want to see themselves as supreme and competent. They are less concerned with social warmth and social intimacy and they exhibit disinterest insharing and caring in romantic relationships. Sologamy has similar traits to NPD and many of the factors involved in NPD can be related to Sologamy like the admiration for self-love etc. Sologamy is tearing down the institution of marriage. Even though the concept of marriage has been diversified in many religions it is been challenged from many angles. Such practices include same-sex marriage, polygamy, and now SOLOGAMY. people who are independent and have no need for emotional support from others may choose to do so. “If we look deeper, attachment styles like avoidant/rejective styles can account for people not believing they need someone to make them feel whole. They are independent and feel “enough” for themselves. Secure attachment type people are those in a healthy relationship with themselves. They are not afraid of being alone and don’t believe that being alone equals loneliness. They are emotionally very strong beings,” says the relationship expert. one who runs the risk of becoming so independent that the need for social interaction can be greatly reduced. The psychologist say's it can get lonely for some – not in a bad, hopeless way – but in a way where you can start showing narcissistic tendencies.A single man may not be a good citizen. He may become hard-hearted as he has never had a companion throughout his life. Many religions consider marriage as a sacred enactment and such acts are hampering such practices. Marriage has traditionally been viewed in the Christian tradition as a lifelong, conjugal covenant between a man and a woman, a union of love that entails dedicating oneself to God and to others. Other religions have their own viewpoint of marriage but all point toward the same direction in which marriage is a sacred practice.


It’s the situations that make people change their decision which they have already taken. This has happened in the case of Sologamy. Brazilian model and social media influencer Cris Galêra has ended her sologamy marriage just 90 days after she found out someone more special. She stated that this act gave her pleasure only for a short period of time but she said that she found love and she decided to end this practice. This is evident that the human mind or decision taken by a person can shift We can say that it might be just for a short time or we can say that the particular person considers that they require only themselves and there is no one they need for support. It’ ‘s just something which is done for media publicity and nothing more and it’s like they are trying to prove that they are correct and that society is wrong which is absolutely wrong. Sologamy has received a lot of criticism for being narcissistic and self-indulgent. While there might be merit in that, there seems to be something even more disturbing going on here. It is downright pathetic and is the exact opposite of empowerment for sologamists, however, there seems to be a need to commemorate this very basic commitment to oneself in the most patriarchal ceremony. Yes, marriage is founded on patriarchy. Anybody who has looked into the history of how matrimony came about will know that it was more about economics and child-rearing than love. So, the need to solemnizeself-love in a ritual that is rooted in something that is, in fact, antithetical to empowerment is stupid. sologamists are not opposed to the idea of dating someone else.


Sophie Tanner, a sologamist hailing from Brighton, told a popular publication, 'People think if you marry yourself you gain a nun status, but obviously, if you're a nun you commit your body to God. This is committing yourself to yourself. You can still love everyone else. It’s the decision of every individual and it’s their choice how to live this life.It depends from person to person, their attitude, their social surroundings etc. So never criticize anyone for their uniqueness. That uniqueness makes them different from others. Let them be unique in their own ways and just allow them to create their own history. But do you support a practice like this?


References

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227240514_Narcissistic_Personality_Disorder

https://www.firstthings.com/web-exclusives/2014/11/same-self-marriage

https://www.foryourmarriage.org/blogs/sologamy-the-outcome-of-a-narcissistic-society/

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sologamy

https://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/city/vadodara/24-year-old-to-marry-herself-in-gujarats-first-sologamy/articleshow/91950199.cms

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_India#:~:text=On%206%20September%202018%2C%20the,thus%20legalising%20homosexuality%20in%20India.